I used to think that all of these dysfunctions, including rampant sexual abuse were unique to my culture. In therapy I learned that they are not. When I read that 'writing these words feels like a betrayal to my father and brothers,' I am at once surprised and not so surprised that you don't feel that they are a betrayal of your mother, who failed miserably at protecting you, as my mom did me, and as countless moms have. One difference is that I blamed my mother from the very beginning. If I didn't blame her, then how could I forgive her - in other words if I didn't blame her, what would I be forgiving her for? That was the beginning of my healing. I still love them both. My dad's blood runs thru my veins - I thought I'd literally die if he died. Still, living with both feelings - of holding him accountable and not white-washing his horrendous transgressions against children AND loving him still has not been easy. It didn't happen overnight. You are a courageous woman - I wish you peace and healing.


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